Two years ago today life as I knew it fell apart. We knew Urijah was sick but we had faith he was going to be ok. We had big plans for our first born. We were looking forward to his first Christmas, Easter, and birthday. We couldn't wait to hold him tube and wire free. We prayed. We had lots of people praying. There was no way God wasn't going to heal him. He was coming home. God had different plans for his life. He allowed Urijah to come in to our lives for a short time. He showed us true, unconditional love. The kind of love you can only have for your children. He filled our hearts with so much joy. He allowed us to care for a beautiful, precious life. He didn't have to allow it. Urijah could have passed away without me ever saying hello. I got to hold him, I got to sing to him, I got to change diapers. These are the things parents take for granted. These are the things I cherish. I can still remember the day he passed. I can remember whispering in his ear that mommy was here and she wasn't going anywhere. I can remember trying to cover his feet because they were cold. I wanted him to be warm. I remember hearing his heart monitor slow and alarms going off. I can remember all sounds, smells, faces, feelings. These are things I carry with me always. I remember holding him after, no tubes or wires, a feeling only NICU parents understand. I whispered into his ear that I loved him, that he was free, he was coming home and that one day I would see him again.
I am not the same person I was two years ago. Some change for the better, some not. I do know that Urijah's life and death made me realize how foolishly I had been living. I always thought I was a Christian. Most of the time I had more of myself in the world than I did with Jesus. I thought that was ok and that because I was a good person, I was going to heaven. I'm here to tell anyone who will listen, there are no no good people. We are all sinners. We all fall short of the glory of God. It is only through his son Jesus Christ, who died for our sins, that we are saved you cannot be of this world and of God. There is no such thing as a carnal Christian. Romans 8:6-8 says "for to set the mind on flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God." For anyone who reads this, I urge you to get right with Jesus. Turn your life away from this world. Jesus sacrificed his life for us, that we may be saved. He paid the ultimate price for you and me. His blood made us righteous in God's sight. We don't get to heaven by being "good". You need to repent and turn away from your old life and the things you once did and believe that Jesus is your lord and savior. I know I will see Urijah again. I have that assurance. Do you? I'm praying for you.
Selina
