Christmas

Christmas just isn't the same no matter how hard I try. It's taking everything I've got to get up out of bed and watch others be joyful. I can only think of what I'm missing and how I would give anything to have my heart whole again. Please, if you know a parent who is missing their little ones this Christmas, hug them, pray for them and be thankful you don't know their pain. I pray that you never will. I have lost loved ones and Christmas is definitely different and hard without them but a missing a child is so much different. I know some will postpone reading this on Christmas because its too sad and you don't want to go "there" on Christmas. I wish I had that luxury.  The feelings you get when reading this is only a fraction of what it's like for a childless parent and how they have to live "there", not only on Christmas but everyday of the year.

I miss you Urijah. Mommy was looking forward to putting presents under the tree for you. I was looking forward to watching grandma and grandpa hold you and spoil you. I was looking forward to watching daddy teach you how to unwrap gifts. I wanted to see your little face light up during future Christmas', I wanted to feel your little arms around me as you hugged me so tight, I wanted to hear your tiny laugh. How that would have melted my heart. I want to hold you. My arms long for you. They are so empty without you. No Christmas will ever be the same without you. There will always be something missing. Mommy and daddy love and miss you so much it hurts. We can't wait to see you again someday. We know you are smiling down on us and that Christmas in Heaven is so much more amazing then we could ever imagine.  You gave mommy and daddy the best month of our lives and i would give anything to go back and kiss your little face one more time. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I pray Jesus you help us through this holiday. I pray for strength. I pray for other parents out there that never got to bring their babies home. I pray that you hold them, comfort them, be with them. We thank you for sending your son Jesus Christ, to be born on this day. We thank you for loving us so much that you were willing to allow your son to die for us, wiping away our all our sins. We know the reason for the season Father. Happy Birthday Jesus.  I thank you for wonderful family and friends. I thank you for Steve, without him I'd fall apart. I thank you for sending Urijah to us. I thank you for letting me get to carry, meet and hold that amazing little boy. I thank you for allowing me to feel that awesome love that only a parent can know. I pray we get to experience it again. We give thanks to you in all that we do, for all that we have. Amen.